cuz i'm a bad bitch ♪ ♪ who do you think you are cuz i'm a bad bitch who do you think you are ♪ ♪ ♪ go hard or go home zone bitch i'm madonna these hoes know ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! oh! oh, my gosh! oh! oh, my gosh! >> i'm madonna, these hoes know! >> jimmy: madonna! that's how you do it. that's how you do it. madonna! >> thank you. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> thank you! >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. unbelievable! "rebel heart" is available now. my thanks to madonna! >> thank you. >> jimmy: nikolaj coster-waldau, and the roots. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow.

bye-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- taraji p. henson, from "game of thrones," actress carice van houten, comedian keith alberstadt, featuring the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, here he is, seth meyers! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, everybody. i'm seth meyers. this right here is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight?

[ cheers and applause ] wonderful. that's wonderful to hear. i want to start with some very interesting news out of the white house. the white house is now letting employees use restrooms consistent with their gender identities. so, for instance, the president uses the men's room. the first lady, she would use the ladies' room. and joe biden uses the child's urinal and pretends he's a giant. [ laughter ] it's really interesting. [ applause ] this amazes me. a man has been arrested in chicago after returning from a failed attempt to join isis. [ laughter ] a failed attempt to join isis. how do you blow it with isis? "derth to america. i'm sorry. i mean 'death.' death to america. i'm sorry. could i try it again? i just -- my agent sent me the script, like, an hour ago." [ laughter ]

"i got waitlisted at isis." [ laughter ] "my safety, al qaeda's my safety. waitlisted in isis." a new poll of teens shows that facebook is still the most popular social network for young people. the most popular for old people is www.facebook.com. [ laughter and applause ] because you need -- it doesn't work without the www. that stands for worldwide web. [ laughter ] and you can surf on it. but there's no water. that's the internet. ac/dc is headlining the coachella music festival this weekend. ac/dc at coachella. i mean, i wonder what they'll open with. probably a lengthy explanation of who they are.

[ laughter ] [ applause ] chris christie today appeared on a talk show called "pasta and politics." "pasta and politics." it went so well that he's agreed to go on "meet the garlic press." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] wonder how long it took them at "pasta and politics" to say, "we should get chris christie. you know who should come on our 'pasta politics' show? chris christie. why didn't we think about that?" u.s. officials are concerned about migrating ducks carrying a deadly strain of bird flu. migrating ducks carrying a deadly strain of bird flu. so, for once, your autocorrect was right. we're totally ducked. [ laughter ] this is ducking -- this is

ducking terrifying. [ applause ] we're going to ducking die of ducking bird flu. duck this, man. [ laughter ] kim kardashian is visiting armenia this week, while her butt is enjoying azerbaijan. [ laughter and applause ] and that's "late night"'s geography joke of the week. [ cheers and applause ] i guarantee you, every kid who saw that joke is never going to forget those two countries are next to each other. and that's what we're out here to do. the jokes are secondary. the teaching is first. [ laughter ] the movie "furious 7" has now made over $500 million at the box office. $500 million. so, fingers crossed, there might be a sequel. [ laughter ]

there might be a sequel. as long as the integrity of the story is in tact. we're not just going to make an eighth one unless the story makes sense. the writers have to come up with a way for there to be a story where the cars go fast. [ laughter ] and finally, finally, today is kristen stewart's birthday. she celebrated by sighing out the candles on her birthday cake. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, this right here is the 8g band. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how we doing, 8g band? lovely as always to spend the week with you. very excited. taking a romantic trip with my wife tomorrow. i'm very excited about that. i cannot tell you where we're going because i have not booked

the tickets yet. [ laughter ] but i can tell you there will be multiple connections. [ laughter ] we were at yankee stadium today. we shot something at yankee stadium we're going to have for you guys soon. and i have to say, i want to just -- this week the yankees are playing the toronto blue jays here in new york. it was so cold today at the stadium in the daytime, and they'll be playing this evening. it was so -- i can't believe they're making people play baseball right now. this would be something -- if you, like, caught terrorists and wanted to make them talk, the way you would do it is make them play a nine-inning baseball game. in this weather. and at one point, i was complaining about the cold because i'm a child. [ laughter ] and i was saying, "i'm cold, let's do this faster!" and someone -- this woman who works for the yankees said, "can you imagine trying to hit a baseball in this weather?" i said, "i can't even imagine." and then i thought back to my days playing little league and i clarified, "i also can't imagine

hitting a baseball in any weather." [ laughter ] there wasn't an optimal weather where i could all of a sudden hit a baseball. but anyways, huge props to -- thanks to climate change, a lot of these baseball players -- they get paid a lot of money, but now they have to play in frigid weather. and i just want you guys to know i'm thinking about you. [ laughter ] we have such an excellent show for you tonight. you know her from the smash hit "empire" and she's hosting "saturday night live" this weekend. taraji p. henson is back with us. [ cheers ] she is a fun person to talk to. we're so excited she's back. this is very, very exciting for me. from "game of thrones," carice van houten will be stopping by this evening. [ cheers and applause ] i -- carice is from amsterdam. years ago, i lived in amsterdam. i worked at an improv theater called boom chicago. i met carice van houten in 1999, i think. so, she's one of my oldest friends and i cannot believe that she's going to be here with us tonight. it's very, very exciting. and we'll also have standup from

the very funny keith alberstadt tonight. and we're going to be right back with more "late night" after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ t-mobile is breaking the rules of wireless. and the samsung galaxy s6 edge is breaking the rules of design. can't get your hands on it because you're locked down by a carrier? break free t-mobile will pay every penny of your switching fees. get ahead of the curve and get your hands on the galaxy s6 edge for $0 down at t-mobile today. break the ice, with breath freshening cooling crystals.

ice breakers. and why is he not sweating? he must be a secret agent. new axe dry spray. goes on dry and keeps you dry with no visible residue. the first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. that's a good-looking yeah. it's nature's care. what's in it? lot's of rich, moist, organic things. can i touch it? yeah, get in there. it feels really good. nature's care organic garden soil. that's some good dirt. we've heard that over 4 hundred million vaevery year. go unused that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard. they're paid vacation days. if you guys agreed to travel more we'll all do better in school.

we'll have a better understanding of other cultures. i will learn to parle france. oui oui. we're not asking for much. we just want one more day. [chanting]: one more day! for help planning your one more day, contact mastercard concierge services or download our new app. because one more day is priceless. what's the best room in the living room, of course. that's where life happens. but sometimes life can be a little messy. that's why there's pledge. pledge helps make living rooms look beautiful. we love that, and we love living rooms. when i first sit in the seat it makes me think of a bmw. i feel like i'm in a lexus. you would think that this was a brand new audi. it's like a luxury car. feels kind of like an infinity. very similar to a range rover. this is pretty high tech.

yeah it is. it reminds me of a mercedes. ♪ this is chevy? laughing i have a new appreciation for chevy. they thought about me. i could totally rock this. this thing feels pretty boss. it looks kind of dope. that's pretty cool. this is the jam. pretty bomb dude. maybe i will go chevy. i'm definitely in. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night," everybody.

have you ever noticed that when you google something, there are millions of results? you know, usually you look at the first page or two and that has the answer to what you're looking for. but i started to wonder about those last few pages where the internet becomes weirder. it gets lonelier. so, allow me to take you now into the bowels of the internet with a segment we call "deep google." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so, i thought that since this is the seventh night of it, tonight, we'd google the jewish holiday of passover. i'm not jewish but my wife is, so i'm always trying to learn a little bit more about it. so, here's the first page of results for passover. about what you'd expect. there's a wikipedia page, images of a matzah and a kiddush cup. basic information. but look at the bottom. look at all of those os in google. [ light laughter ] that means we can go deeper. deeper into deep google. ♪ [ applause ]

[ laughter ] let's check out what's on page nine. "hollywood goes passover." all right, let's click on that. let's see. "hollywood goes passover." are celebrities holding seders? are they eating matzah? no, they're rocking moses beards. first up, we have robert pattinson. all right. [ laughter ] got the passover spirit. up next we have the rock. all right. look at that. up next is kim and kanye. okay. now, but that's -- with those two you never know. that could just be a fashion statement. that could have nothing to do with passover. oh, nope. he's got -- those are the ten commandments. all right. and that makes sense, because after all yeezus was yewish. [ laughter ] [ applause ] folks, that was only page nine. we haven't even gotten started. we can still go much deeper into deep google. ♪ [ laughter ]

let's check out page 97 of the search results. "amazon plague." let's take a look. so, this is an online plague marketplace. "send plagues directly to your former workplace. two-day delivery guaranteed." oh, my god. i've got to see what their prices are like. i would love to do this. all right, so frogs, $499. that's a good price. locusts, $599. a little bit more than frogs. river of blood, only $12? that seems really cheap. [ laughter ] scroll down a little. angel of death comes to take the lives of all the first born sons. sold out? damn it. all right. let's go back and see what else is on page 97. let's see. "parting the waters fail." let's see that. >> behold! waters of bethlehem, pennsylvania ymca! i command thee to open!

did you get it? [ laughter ] >> seth: we got it. [ applause ] but now it's time to go deeper. deeper into the vast expanse of deep google. ♪ [ laughter ] okay. finally, page 455. the last page. "the ten commandments: cockney edition." can't wait to see this. "the classic 1956 masterpiece with charlton heston translated for cockney audiences." it looks like it has subtitles. let's take a look. [ cockney accent ] >> thus with the dickie bird's john dowry, swith's me blisters and run 'em up the peter pan. [ laughter ] >> oi, he's sellin' porkie's, in' it? pish posh, pegs in me flowery down. sold all the ones and twos. >> ah, your uncle nipped the jordie barrel. went boot up with his barney rubble.

>> oi! didn't know that, didn't i? >> really, mate? you and your gods of israel betta piss off. >> he's a ride for ya. and his bikey's got a rusty helmet. >> snaky snaky, eggs and bakey. >> snaky snaky, eggs and bakey. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: that's "deep google." we'll be right back with taraji p. henson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ america! new yorkers love all-natural snapple and we want you to love it too! snapple's born in new york. it's one tradition that's never going out of style. snapple is more than just a drink. it's got simple ingredients: real sugar, real tea. salud! every time i open this and i hear that pop.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our first guest tonight is an emmy and academy award nominated actress who stars as the outrageous cookie lyon on the massively popular hit series, "empire." she's also hosting "saturday night live" this week with musical guest mumford and sons. please welcome back to the show, taraji p. henson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> seth: how are you? >> i haven't seen you in a fool's age. >> seth: i know. it's been, what, is it a month or two? >> i know. >> seth: and your show exploded. and we had you on when "empire" was just starting. everybody was saying this is, you know, this is the best new show on tv, and then it just, every week it got bigger and bigger and bigger. did you guys see this coming? >> well, i knew -- you know, because we are always ahead of the audience. >> seth: right. >> because, you know, we're filming while you guys are just watching the first episode. >> seth: sure. >> so when the numbers grew after the second episode, i was like, they're only going to continue to grow because i know what we've done. >> seth: yeah. >> and i mean, i just didn't think -- they said after it was all said and done, the numbers were like close to 27 million viewers. >> seth: yeah. >> for the finale. i was like -- >> seth: this is something incredible. >> thank you. thank you. i owe it all too you! [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: you know -- but then, you can watch this show. [ laughter ] i know you're out there.

she just told me. but it's so exciting. and also, you know, i feel like it's something that has sort of stopped happening on network television. but because it's on network television, everyone can watch it. you know, lee daniel was here, sort of pointing out the show's creator. you know, not everybody can afford netflix or cable and stuff. so, being on network television, it must be nice knowing that sort of anyone you meet can watch this show. >> yeah. and i guess what means more to me is when i hear fans say, "finally, we have family night in my house." >> seth: yeah. >> you know, that means grandma's watching, everybody's watching so -- >> seth: and they watch and they go, "you know, our family might be screwed up, but we're not this bad." >> exactly, exactly. >> seth: we might fight but we don't do any of this stuff. >> but that's what the art is for to kind of get you off of your crappy life. >> seth: yes, absolutely. [ laughter ] but you know, the other thing, which i'm really impressed by, because it is you know, it's a network show but it doesn't feel like a network show. but at the same time, because it's not on cable, you know, you guys can't curse. there's no nudity. but i will say, and i mean this

as such a compliment, i can't believe you don't curse on the show. because i feel like i've heard you curse even though you haven't. >> i say it with my eyes. >> seth: you do say it with your eyes. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> i learned that from betty davis. >> seth: there are so many mother effers with those eyes. [ laughter ] >> ah, yes. [ laughter ] >> seth: with that said, i think the writing staff does an incredible job coming up with things for you to say that are actually written. we have some cookie quotes here. you call, i mean, you know, fake ass jackie o. -- >> a lot of fake asses. >> seth: fake ass halle berry. fake ass lena horne -- >> cookie can sniff fake. >> seth: yeah. they're all the same person. she's just cycling through the fake -- "shut up, dora", that's one of my favorites. >> oh yeah, that just came off the cuff. because actually raphael, who plays the character, he didn't have a line and lee just gave him a line. and so then, i was like, "he's going to top me." so, when he said it, i said, "shut up, dora." and then they yelled cut and the crew hit the floor. [ laughter ]

>> seth: that "shut up dora" i feel like is a catchphrase for a new age. i think we can all -- >> i think so. >> seth: whether the person's name is dora or not, i think we all know someone that we would like to show up. >> absolutely. just call them dora. it doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman, dog, cat. shut up, dora. >> seth: you mentioned that was off the cuff. have you improvised a lot your dialogue? >> i've improvised a lot. >> seth: do you have some favorites? >> um, i do. oh, i didn't improvise this but they wrote this. "the streets ain't made for everybody. that's why they made sidewalks." that one was pretty brilliant. >> seth: that's a good one, yeah. >> what else? oh, "boo-boo kitty" was off the cuff. "boo-boo kitty" is the new "bye felicia." [ cheers ] what else? what else? what else? >> seth: you had good stuff with naomi campbell. that was great. >> but it didn't make it. >> seth: oh, it didn't make it? >> it didn't make it. this was one thing -- you know, she tried to sideswipe me by adding a line, right? cookie was ready. cookie was ready. so, i said to her, i said, "i want me some grandbabies but you got them dried up benjamin button eggs.

[ laughter ] but they wouldn't -- how can they not let queenie, the mother of -- >> seth: you were in "benjamin button." >> why wouldn't they clear that for me? >> seth: unbelievable. >> i'm benjamin button's mom. >> seth: also, what are the benjamin button people going to do, show up on the set of "empire"? >> and do what? >> seth: and do what? >> and do what? get a smack down from cookie. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter and applause ] now, taraji -- >> yes? >> seth: i know that you and cookie are two different people. >> we are. >> seth: but has any cookie crept into taraji? or was cookie always there? [ laughter ] >> she's sort of my alter ego. >> seth: yeah, do you ever use cookie in your real life? >> no, i hate that bitch. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> no, no. and the reason why is she's stolen my identity. >> seth: oh, interesting. >> no one ever calls me by my name anymore. >> seth: oh, gotcha. >> they call me cookie. [ laughter ] >> seth: does it work, though? like, when you need to get into a restaurant, does like being cookie help? >> oh, absolutely. you know, a lot of times you go in and they're busy setting up

the seating charts. you're like, i would like to -- "do you have a reservation?" i'm like, "no." and then, they're like, "oh, well, you're going to wait for an hour and a half." and then they look up and they're like, "oh, wait a minute, we'll be back. just wait right here." and they're like, "get out, get out, cookie's here. get out of the seats." [ laughter ] >> seth: nobody wants trouble with cookie in a restaurant. >> no. >> seth: we had mary j. blige here and she said you guys are friends. >> yes. >> seth: and you guys go out to dinner a lot. >> all the time. >> seth: that seems to me, i'm just saying this, that sounds like the most fun dinner. >> it is. you know what it is? it's just girl night. we just catch up. >> seth: now, does that mean i can't come? [ laughter ] >> most likely not. >> seth: just once. it's fine. >> we have to talk about men at some point. >> maybe when we're done with the men's section >> seth: i'll go to the bathroom three times. >> after we're done with the men's section, then you can come. >> seth: okay, gotcha. we'll just -- yeah. i have a pager. i'll give you my number. i'll just wait outside. >> okay. okay. >> seth: well, this is so exciting. you're hosting "snl" this week. >> oh, my gosh. >> seth: i think -- i just cannot wait for this. >> that's like a dream come true. i can't believe -- >> seth: when they called and asked you to do it, did you believe it right away or were you pinching yourself?

>> i knew that we were working on it. >> seth: gotcha. >> like, every year we ask. i know lorne was sick of my people. >> seth: right. >> finally, we probably wore him down. okay, okay! >> seth: that sounds just like lorne. that's a very good lorne impression. [ laughter ] >> we called him every day, 24 hours a day. >> seth: great. and so, you had your table read yesterday. >> yes. >> seth: which i heard went great. but on tuesday night when the writers write very late, did you stay -- how late did you stay on tuesday? >> i didn't stay. they actually, i went to dinner with the cast and lorne and then they released me to go home and then i felt sorry for them because they all went back to 30 rock to write. >> seth: yeah. >> and they were like, you know, "we're not going to be done until 11:00 a.m. tomorrow morning." and i'm like, "woo, thank god, i'm just a guest host." [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> i don't think people really understand the hard work that goes into "saturday night live." i mean, it is nonstop and it's the reason why, you know, everybody doesn't get to do the show because it can be overwhelming. >> seth: yeah. >> it can be kind of intimidating. >> seth: you sort of saw people on tuesday night then the next time you saw them was on wednesday morning when they sort

of come in to show you the sketches they wrote. could you tell that none of them had slept? >> yeah, because their eyes were cracked. somebody came in with toothpicks in their eyelids like, read this, read this. [ laughter ] >> seth: and now are you -- are you -- as far as the stuff that's going to dress rehearsal, are you in a lot of it? are you well taken care of? >> am i in it a lot? i'm in actually every skit. i guess i did everything right. >> seth: that's good. that's good. >> is that what it means? >> seth: yeah -- that's high praise. and are you -- like, are you singing? are you going to do anything -- >> i'm doing it all. singing, dancing, twerking. [ laughter ] >> seth: now, another thing i feel like people don't know about us is that as a host, you don't get an infinite amount of tickets. you only get a certain amount of tickets for people that can come see the show. who are you bringing? >> my mom is coming, of course. >> seth: right. >> my step dad is coming. my aunt is coming. my cousins are coming. two of my cousins, hopefully. i just sent them an invitation today. two of my best friends in the entire world, over 30 years in the can.

>> seth: great. >> yeah, that's it. my team. >> seth: so, the show is going to end at 1:00 in the morning. >> yeah. >> seth: how late do you think you're going to stay up on saturday? >> i'm going to party. >> seth: yeah. [ cheers ] i think people will have deserved it. and i think -- i just cannot wait. i think it's going to be so great. >> so much fun. >> seth: and it's so wonderful having you back on the show. thank you so much. >> thank you so much, seth. >> seth: give it up, everybody for taraji p. henson! [ cheers and applause ] check out her hosting "saturday night live" this week with musical guest mumford and sons. we'll be right back with carice van houten. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ wish your skin could bounce back as quickly as it used to? introducing neutrogena hydro boost water gel. instantly quenches skin to keep it supple and hydrated day after day. formulated with hydrating hyaluronic acid

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all these networks keep making different claims. it gets confusing. fastest, the strongest, the most in-your-face-est. it sounds like some weird multiple choice test. yea, but do i pick a, b, or c. for me it's all of the above. i pick, like, the best of everything. verizon. i didn't. i picked a. maybe c. and how'd that work out for you? not so well. can i get a do-over? why settle for less when you can have, well, everything. and get 2 lines for $100.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is an actress and singer who plays the mysterious red priestess, melisandre, on the hit hbo series, "game of thrones." the fifth season premieres on sunday night. let's take a look. >> you're not cold, my lady? >> never. the lord's fire lives within me now.

here. are you a virgin? >> no. >> good. >> seth: you can't ask people if they're a virgin on the elevator. [ laughter ] i don't care where you live. please welcome my good friend, carice van houten. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: what's up? [ talking over each other ] >> seth: yeah, it feels good, too. >> nobody knows what you're talking -- >> seth: yeah, i know. it's lovely to see you again. >> yeah. >> seth: so we've known each other, i think it was 1999 in amsterdam that we met.

>> oh, man, so long. >> seth: so long ago. and you know me, you know my brother, you know my parents. you know the whole family, the whole meyers family. >> yeah, they're the perfect family. >> seth: oh, thank you very much. >> it's like it's a sitcom family. like, you couldn't believe it. >> seth: you, being dutch, you thought all american families were sitcom families probably. [ laughter ] but you know our baby names for each other. like, you've never called me seth. >> no. is your name seth? >> seth: yeah, isn't that weird? [ laughter ] you only call me -- >> soofy. >> seth: yes. >> i didn't know if i could bring it up -- >> seth: you can call me soofy on the show. only you, only you. you know, we've known each other for years. and i go back to amsterdam and i always see you. and coming up is the great holiday of all time that most americans don't know about called queen's day. now, king's day, right? >> yes, it's king's day. >> seth: it's king's day now, but on the same day. >> yeah. >> seth: and you're celebrating the king's birthday. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: but it's basically -- i think it's funny for people -- >> nobody knows what king or when he was born. >> seth: it's the dutch king or who he is or whatever. but he's a big deal. and it's basically, like, everyone just drinks in the

street and sells their garbage. [ laughter ] >> yes, that's it. and takes drugs. >> seth: yeah, yeah. that part -- you can say soofy, you can't say the take drugs part. [ laughter ] but we came a few years ago, i came with the "snl" writers. and you were having a party and we all came over. and it was great because you were with your theater school friends and it wasn't really -- this was not a dutch tradition. this was your tradition, which was a very intricate line dance. to what song? >> "afternoon delight." >> seth: yeah. >> believe it or not. [ cheers ] >> seth: it was really great because all my american friends were saying, "is this what dutch people do?" and i was like, "no, this is --" >> no, this is just a very lame line dance. >> seth: yeah, this is just a very lame line dance. >> it's very slow. it's not even a good -- >> seth: it's not -- >> it's not a good song. >> seth: if you walked in, you would think you were watching old people at like a bingo parlor but it's hip young dutch kids. also, i want to -- because we've known each other for a long time, i feel like i deserve a little bit of credit because when you got offered the part of melisandre, you texted me because you assumed i was nerdy

enough to have read the book. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: you were right. and i told you you should do it. >> i know. >> seth: and yet, i haven't seen a dime. [ laughter ] >> you're basically responsible for my whole career. >> seth: i'm responsible for this part of your career. because a lot of people, i think here of course, know you as this red priestess. but you were, like, in children's movies. you were in "minoes." >> yes, "minoes." a little -- a cat who turned into a woman. >> seth: oh, really? i always thought it was a woman who turned into a cat. >> no, it's the other way around. >> seth: really? that's the language difference for you. i got it completely wrong. do you read the books? do you try to find out what's happening to your character? >> i want to be as surprised as you. i am such a big fan, myself, and i don't really want to spoil it, so i basically just go through the scripts like this. and i do my own stuff and then i see it on the tv. >> seth: i know, are you a fan of it? like, when you first saw it, were you like, oh, this is so much better than i thought it was even going to be? >> yeah, i wasn't really into

the fantasy thing, but it's not like that. it's not a fantasy show per se. >> seth: right. >> it's just -- it's so much more. i feel like it's almost a mirror to our own society nowadays. and, what was i going to say again? this is my first time on the american tv show, man. >> seth: you're doing very good. >> i'm sweating like a pig. >> seth: nobody can tell. [ cheers and applause ] no one can tell. you killing it. you -- you know, i had kit harington on the show on monday. and he and i talked about belfast a little bit. and i think we -- i got him in a little bit of trouble with the people of belfast because he said it was maybe -- for a small town, like, you can kind of see all of belfast in two days but i think it would be really helpful for all the people in belfast if you and i talked about what an awesome place it is. >> okay, great, let's go. >> seth: belfast is the best, right? >> oh, man, belfast. have you ever been? >> seth: is it really fun? [ laughter ] it is. you have to save your friend kit here. >> it's a lovely place. >> seth: yeah. nice people? >> nice people, the nicest people.

>> seth: great. beautiful views? you can you see hills around and stuff? >> yeah, you've never seen anything like it. >> seth: okay, that's great. you heard it here first. go to belfast. [ laughter ] that's good. that was very helpful. [ applause ] now, you having seen the show, you would also know that there's a lot of nudity in "game of thrones." >> really? >> seth: and being in the show -- [ laughter ] being an actress in the show, you might not watch it the same way. you are -- you're naked a lot. >> really? >> seth: but you came from a place -- >> i always feel like everyone thinks the dutch will do it. if the characters won't do it, the dutchie will do it. >> seth: well, the dutch people have different standards. but you are -- when you are about to do a nude scene, do you try very hard to make everybody else comfortable? >> yes. i mean, i feel very -- i mean, it's not a good thing to do. i mean, it's not a very comfortable thing to do, of course. >> seth: right. >> it's not my favorite thing in the world. so, the thing i do is try to approach it with some humor and i just come on set, undress and tell the people, "look, this is

the material we're going to work with today. take a good look." and then, you know, the tension is out of the room. i think the more you sort of cover up in between scenes, the more people want to take a peek, you know? >> seth: yeah. >> so, i feel like you should take all the sexuality out of it. >> seth: right. >> to make myself more comfortable in the end. >> seth: that's great and it must work because they keep writing them for you. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you -- you said you weren't into fantasy before, but i know for a fact that you were a "simpsons" fan. >> also because of you. >> seth: yes. my brother and i introduced you to the "simpsons", one of my proudest moments. and this is really exciting. you're going to be the voice of a "simpsons" character. and it's really great because, of course, your last name is van houten. milhouse's last name is van houten. so, you are playing milhouse's dutch cousin? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> seth: that is -- [ cheers and applause ] that's one of the best things. how exciting was that? >> oh, man, i don't think i've

ever cheered as much for a role as when i got this. >> seth: and do you just get to use your voice? >> i just pitch it a little bit higher. >> seth: yeah. tell me about -- >> i sort of emphasize on my dutch accent that i have. >> seth: and what's the name? >> anika. >> seth: anika. okay, so anika van houten. and what does she do? >> she's, like, a cool dutch kid who knows games that nobody knows here. >> seth: right. >> she's quite snobby about being european. she smokes e-cigarettes. she's, like, just you know, funny earrings and all sorts of holes. >> seth: you would often tell us about dutch games that we'd never heard about. i think anika plays one of them. spiker, what is it? >> spiker pooper. >> seth: spiker pooper. now, i would usually say it's not what it sounds like, but it totally is. [ laughter ] so, explain what -- >> as long as you know what a spiker is. >> seth: a spiker is a nail, right? >> yeah. >> seth: okay. so, nail pooping. >> that's what it is. >> seth: tell me -- this is an actual game the dutch kids would play. did you play it? >> i think i've played it once at birthday parties.

>> seth: how's does it work? >> so, you basically, you put a little string around your waist. >> seth: right. >> and then put it down underneath your -- it comes out of your -- between your legs. >> seth: yeah. >> i don't know how to say this nicely. and then you attach a nail and you sort of -- and you try to -- there's a -- there's a bottle here and you try to -- to drop the nail into the bottle. that's supposed to be the game. [ laughter ] >> seth: basically, you're pooping a nail into a bottle. >> yeah, exactly. >> seth: it's so, so weird to me that weed is legal in your country. [ laughter ] that's not all. this keeps getting better because "the muppets" did a "game of thrones" parody. so, you got -- there was melisandre muppet. so, you went from "simpsons" to "muppets." >> i know, man. i mean, my life has become infinitely cooler since i've been on the show. >> seth: yeah. but all stuff that a lot of people would think is not cool. that's what i like. you're like, on "the simpsons." on "the muppets." >> the only thing i really would like it be now is to be pinballized.

>> seth: oh, yeah, well, that's probably -- there will probably be a "game of thrones" pinball game soon enough. >> there are rumors that they're making a pinball machine and i love playing pinball. >> seth: yeah. but this was maybe -- because i know you're a snoop dogg fan. i've known that for a while. >> that's also because of you, i think. >> seth: i think more my brother. >> man, what would i -- >> seth: you would know nothing about me. you would nothing. i made you and not a dime. [ laughter ] not one dime, not one gilder. you -- i remember you used to know all the lyrics to "gin and juice", which is really exciting. that's a song you want to hear with a dutch accent. [ laughter ] but you tweeted this picture of your hair because that's what you have to wear underneath your wig, right? they had to braid it up. and you said that you -- >> i had my snoop dogg do. >> seth: and then who re-tweeted you? >> snoop dogg. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's it. that's the coolest moment of your life. [ applause ] you have nothing left but that. >> i had a kiss on my cheek from meryl streep once.

>> seth: oh, wow. randomly? or were you in the same room? did she run in, do it and run out? >> i paid her a compliment and she gave me this kiss on my cheek and i felt like a little boy. the first time i felt, like, how fans must feel when they, you know, when they see a famous person. >> seth: right. >> i really felt like i shouldn't wash my face ever again. >> seth: wow. >> i had this weird fan moment with her where i'm in my bed and i feel like, "what would meryl do now?" am i just crazy? [ laughter ] >> seth: so, you've lost your mind a little bit. >> a little bit. >> seth: ever sense meryl kissed you, you lost your mind just a little bit. this -- i will say, one of my great moments of doing this show is having you here. this is just been an absolute delight. i've known you for so long. i'm so happy for everything that's happened for you. >> and i'm going to see your favorite team tomorrow. >> seth: that's right. you're going to a red sox, yankees game. and who are you going to root for? >> the red sox. >> seth: thank you very much, carice. they don't know anything. they know nothing! bunch of john shows. carice van houten, everybody. the fifth season of "game of

thrones" premieres sunday night on hbo. we'll be right back with standup from keith alberstadt. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ it's our song... ♪ yeah, there you go... ♪ wait! oh, no! there are thousands of ways into the complex health care system. and unitedhealthcare has ways to make the system simpler. like virtual doctor visits. what happened here? i came in too hot. ♪ what's the best room in the living room, of course. that's where life happens.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back, everybody. my next guest is a very funny comedian who will be performing at the wild west comedy festival in nashville, tennessee on april 19th. please welcome, keith alberstadt. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. so good to be back in new york. i was just doing some college shows in minnesota. they're very nice. they were showing me around the area. we passed a 25-foot statue of paul bunyan. i said, "what is that all about?" one of the students said, "oh, he's from here." [ laughter ] really? the make-believe giant who owns

a blue ox. this is where he lives? awesome. next week, i'm going to georgia where the devil lost a fiddle contest. [ laughter and applause ] for the record, i love telling that joke in new york, because a lot of international visitors in the crowd have no idea what i'm talking about. [ light laughter ] they don't know who paul bunyan is. i still do the joke because i just imagine they're going to go home and google it and get nothing but pictures of ugly feet because they spelled "bunyan" wrong. [ laughter and applause ] i've lived in new york for a while now. and i've noticed that people get annoyed really easily in new york, even your friends. for example, i have asthma. after one recent asthma attack, my buddy rolled his eyes. [ laughter ] and said, "dude, you got to get that asthma under control." get it under -- i'm not addicted to asthma. [ laughter ] i have an inhaler, not willpower and a sponsor.

[ laughter ] some people take themselves -- some people take themselves way too seriously. i was at a restaurant. i heard a guy at the table next no me ask the waiter, he says, "excuse me, of all your wines, which one is most robust?" i turned and said, "sir, we are all impressed. we are also all at applebee's. [ laughter and applause ] there's a tricycle on the wall. how about you try and bring that down a notch?" [ laughter ] lot of people are eating healthier now. i got a vegetarian friend who thinks it's disgusting that i eat chicken all the time. he says, "keith, you wouldn't like that chicken very much if you really thought about how it was made." okay. all right. [ light laughter ] maybe, but if that's the way i form my opinions, i'm not going

to like my siblings very much, either. [ laughter ] it's disturbing. [ applause ] thank you. just trying to eat. all my friends are having kids now. i have one friend who has no kids, but he has a lot of tattoos. and sometimes, he talks about his tattoos as if they were his kids. he says things like, "this is my oldest. it's my favorite." [ laughter ] "this little one here is the result of a long night of drinking." "this one here came out a lot darker than i expected." [ laughter and applause ] and so forth. the older i get, the more -- [ laughter ] the more coffee i'm drinking. i'm drinking a lot of coffee. i drink it black. black coffee, old school. sometimes, my order, they ask me for my name to put on the cup. i don't know why that's necessary for something as

simple as black coffee. one time the guy says, "what's your name, sir?" "no, no, no. just turn around. fill up the cup. turn back around. i'm going to be right here." [ laughter ] [ applause ] i actually have sleep problems because of my coffee consumption. i have what they call night terrors. [ light laughter ] think you for laughing at that. i appreciate it. [ laughter ] every now and then, i think i see something in my room that's not there. i'll do something about it. sometimes, i don't even realize i did anything until the next day when i see the evidence. one day i woke up, both of my pillows were stacked one on top of the other against my door. as if i were barricading myself from something or someone who apparently does not have the physical strength to push back

two pillows. [ laughter ] i believe i had the first ever nightmare of being attacked by a vegan. [ laughter ] thank you very much, everybody. thanks a lot. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: keith alberstadt, everybody! that was great! check out keithcomedy.com for tour dates. we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ]

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[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to taraji p. henson, carice van houten, keith alberstadt one more time. and, of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for "carson daly." we'll see you tomorrow! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ >> carson: hey everybody i'm carson daly. welcome to the skylark. it is our home for tonight's edition of "last call." let's get right into it. coming up tonight, jamie lee is the subject of our comedy spotlight. and above and beyond debuts from the forum. but first, in 2004 morgan spurlock burst into the public consciousness with his award winning film "supersize me." and since then, he has been a fixture on tv and film and continues that trend with the new season of "inside man" on cnn. and for more, let's take a look now at the "last call" spotlight. ♪